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Health & Fitness

Do Unto Others

How to avoid mistreatment rubbing you the wrong way.

People usually fall into one of two groups when it comes to how they will react after being mistreated. People in the first group seem bent upon returning the mistreatment, either immediately or after planning revenge. This group believes that any time they are mistreated by someone (verbally or physically) it is their right and/or duty to mistreat the person back. Children and adults strike back at someone who has berated or hit them, saying they “did it” because the other person "made them" because of their actions.

People in the second group are able to tolerate slights or mistreatment by others. They do not seek revenge. This group figures that there is little point to "getting back" at people who are already troubled enough to act in an inappropriate way. Examples would include parents who keep their cool while their kids blow off steam in a tantrum, or kids who hold back their impulse to get involved in a fight (get even) because someone ran into them or called them a name.

People in the first group typically believe they will become victims to others if they do not stand up for themselves. They reason that if an aggressive act goes unpunished, then others will continue to take advantage of them. This reasoning is flawed for several reasons. First, as opposed to avoiding victimization, people who are compelled to get back at others with reflex-like retaliation frequently become victims of their own behavior. For example, being arrested for battery because you reasoned "they had it coming". Any time your actions are dependent on what others do, you actually become a victim. People who routinely "get back" at others prevent themselves from having self-direction and self-control; once your actions become dependent upon what others do rather than your own standards for behavior, you are no longer in control.

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There is also little evidence that getting back at others serves as protection from further mistreatment. The fact of the matter is that people who mistreat others generally invite further mistreatment from others; “getting back at others” usually leads to further problems. People who are “punished” generally do not respond well to being taught a lesson. Ask yourself, have you ever felt better and/or seen the light when a person lets you have it after you have done something they didn't like?

When others offend you, don't get caught into a trap of doing it back to them. Instead, keep your cool and your independence. Do unto others that which truly benefits yourself - stick up for yourself but stay calm and organized. Remember a great saying that is attributed to Carrie Fisher: Holding a grudge and/or plotting revenge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die!

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