Does Your Kid Tell You Too Much?

Even though it does cause some very awkward moments, it really is better if our kids more or less tell us about their lives.

I was once again talking to strangers at Starbucks and got into an interesting conversation about how parents of today suffer from information overload from their kids. When I was a teenager, I told my parents nothing. If there is such a thing as “less than nothing,” that’s what I told them. Now kids feel comfortable discussing all kinds of details about their social lives that we really don’t want to know. Except we do. It’s like rubbernecking on the highway after a gruesome accident. We kind of hope to see something we really don’t want to see.

Obviously kids don’t tell us absolutely everything. All parents have been lied to at one time or another and teens usually leave out incriminating details but, by and large, kids today are way more open than we ever were. Why is this Personally, I was terrified of the wrath my mother would bestow upon me, which included going after me with a hairbrush, and not just any hairbrush, a round one so I could get smacked with the bristles at every angle. My boys are definitely not worried about physical retribution since they outweigh me by about 70 pounds and could stuff me in the dryer if they were so inclined, which I’m pretty sure they would never do. Although the nice man I was speaking with at Starbucks did tell me he once locked his tiny mother in the bathroom because she was trying to have at him with a vacuum cleaner attachment.

I believe it’s also more difficult to lie because technology has made it so kids are easier to track. I would take off and tell my parents I was going to the library when I was really going to a Beach Boys concert and they would really never know the difference. Now, with caller ID, texting, Facebook, and so on, it’s much harder for teenagers to disappear and, if they do, it’s much easier to catch them. PowerSchool and online grade books have made it impossible to hide grades as well. Again, we could just not check up on them, but of course we do anyway. Most kids know they are being stalked so they either get very good at deception or take the easier route — just tell the truth.

When I listen to parents say they know things about their kid they wish they could un-know, I take it as a sign of a good relationship. Yes, kids sometimes over-share, but that’s because they trust us. They know that if they call us to pick them up at a party rather than get in a car with a drunk driver we won’t send them to military school. That’s not to say there should be no consequences when they do something really stupid. Kids feel safe when there are rules and structure.

Even though it does cause some very awkward moments, it really is better if our kids more or less tell us about their lives. Although you may want to run screaming from the room, paste a neutral expression on your puss and listen to the uncomfortable details. Just be prepared when you ask questions because odds are you’ll actually get answers.

Dr. Mark Solomon July 15, 2012 at 05:51 PM
Susan - as is usually the case, another thoughtful article that highlights yet another difference in parenting and parent-child relations between "then" and "now". I had to laugh at the memory of talking about "inappropriate" subject matter with my friends and being able to turn our conversation on the dime to one thing or another about Tony Conigliaro (my favorite player most famous for his picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated after being hit in the eye with a fast ball) whenever my my mom appeared. In a similar manner, around age 13 my parents had me and my brother make a list of friends and places that we might go and basically said do whatever you want on the list, which included going from Morton Grove to Wrigley Field and going to any of the Chicago area thouroughbred tracks when I turned 16. I think once they asked something about my impression of the traffic.


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